A recent visit to a clothes store made me sick to the stomach. This store is one of those lovely labels you and I want to wear. I looked at the label. It was a little steep, but I'd pay that kind of money for something so good looking. Except...
THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN MY SIZE!
Everything was XS, S and some designs were available in size M. No large and absolutely no Extra Large.
And so I thought, I'm not going to take this lying down. It feels like it is as bad a bias as racism when people don't accept healthy bodies.
I used to be skinny a few years ago but it is this size, I have now, that feels the healthiest. BTW I still fit into small and medium sizes at other stores, so I'm not really obese. I don't have any thyroid issues. I don't have an eating disorder. I'm just how my mother used to be. If I was born in the Renaissance period, I'd be smoking hot!
In 2006, I decided I was going to lose weight and become skinny and look great for my wedding. This decision came after after a fashion designer told me I didn't have the right body to wear what I wanted to as a bride.
That was it. I had to show this guy (who btw disappeared after that very unprofessional meeting) that I could lose weight in just 2 months. I stopped using oil in my food. I didn't eat any sugar. I ate boiled spinach for lunch everyday with just one wheat chapati. No alcohol, not even wine. I thought I'd celebrate on my big day. (Of course, I let go at my surprise bachelorette party, had cake as well as my favourite whiskey... but I didn't over do it.)
The wedding pictures came out great and I finally ate a full meal at my wedding reception! My husband knew how hard I'd worked and made sure that the menu at the reception party included all my favourites. (What a sweetheart!)
A few years later, I returned to my normal shape. I used to wear size medium then, but of course, the goal was to fit into my skinny sister's jeans. So I decided to join the gym. Since I couldn't afford a fancy gym or a personal instructor at the time, I enrolled myself at a no-frills gym 'round the corner. I never lost any weight but I did allow several people to judge me in kilos and tear a few muscles. All this time, I was dodging the receptionist who kept trying to sell me other packages, including advice from a dietician, spa treatment, a personal instructor and protein supplements.
Finally, I gave up after spending an entire day in bed with torn muscles and went back to dieting. This time, I wanted to try Atkins. I lost 8 kilos in 3 months. I was kicked! I felt really proud of myself when the alteration tailor's jaw fell to the ground. I wanted my pants 4 inches tighter! I also ignored the concerned looks from my husband who got worried every time I had a little blackout. He would urge me to cheat every now and then but decided to support me any which way. I got several compliments from friends but they all said, my face looked tired, older. I finished Atkins and slowly went back to normal life. I must admit, the weight stayed off for quite a while. I carried on having sugar free products, including diet sodas, that discreetly warned me about aspartame. But every time I thought about it, I dismissed the thought with the famous quote, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
Slowly, the weight came back with a few kilos extra. My body decided to stock up in case I starved it again. Having learnt no lesson, I decided to try a diet that promised me results that would last for life. I started the Dukan diet. I concentrated on recipes more than on my work. It was the hardest and longest diet plan. This time, my husband tried it too. Both of us dropped tens of kilos. I was dizzy most of the time but my body started to resemble the models on magazine covers. I bought several new clothes, went out partying a lot, to show off my new body and wardrobe collection!
Unfortunately, my husband met with an accident at the time and because of a major fracture in his leg, we were at home for several months. I remember I had no energy to run around for hospital formalities while his surgery was on. Somehow, I managed, mostly thanks to a friend who came quickly to my aid.
Doctors warned my husband that his liver was in a bad state. They suspected he drank too much alcohol. I told them it was only because of the high protein diet that I had put him on. He'd lost a lot of blood in the accident and so I began giving him a lot of carrots, dates and a lot of real healthy food. It was then that I understood that "low fat", "low carb" and "high protein" are terms coined to sell certain products that the big industries wanted us to buy. It had nothing to do with health! I stopped drinking diet sodas and almost immediately the dizziness stopped too. So did the frequent headaches.
I let my body grow in width. I didn't overdo the fried food or the carbohydrate but I didn't allow myself to crave something and resist it. I felt like potatoes, I ate them. I felt like some chocolate, I had some chocolate. I don't eat an entire bar. Just a piece at a time.
My health has never been better. I started to learn yoga. I never forced myself to do anything my body didn't want to do. I want an extra hour of sleep, I will give in. I have one life, one body. I will pamper it. It's the only one I have.
Now, coming back to the point, can someone make clothes for my healthy body and stop making me feel bad about not trying to imitate those photoshopped magazine covers? Zara, are you listening? Even Beyonce doesn't look like herself without the art director's editing!
Really, Fat is fine as long as you feel healthy.
